sometimes i wish i wasnt me. I wish i was one of "those girls", you know the ones who always get the guy, who never sweat and everyone adores. But lets face it.. thats just not me. Im the girl thats always laughing, never gets the guy and doesnt give a damn about anything. Thats me. If im angry i yell. If im sad i cry. If im happy i smile. I dont hide what i feel. See.. theres this guy.. and i really like him. he is a freshman and im a junior which as we all know is like the "you dont go there zone" Well.. its too late for that, im already attached. I just wish he would step up and obsess over me too. And then again there is my ex. We have been broken up for about 2-3 months and i still find myself thinking about him. I love him. I will always love him. Me and him had a connection. But.. well i have to have the guts to make myself get over him. I wasnt myself when i was with him and my relationship with him ruined the ones that i had with my friends and parents (esp my dad) He wasnt good for me but for some reason that made me want him more. I still find myself wishing he would come back. I miss the friendship we had. If that isnt enough I also dont feel like i have one of those friends who you do everything with and tell everything to. That was who my ex was. I always wonder if he thinks about me too. I try to tel myself that he doesnt. that he doesnt care. for some reason that makes me feel better. I guess im in the healing process. But see i really like this freshman, almost to the point where it is pathetic. He is always on my mind. i plan my path to class by his schedule. i wish i had someone who i could relate to but it seems like everything else is going great for everyone else. I need a break. i want to get away. I want to just scream at the top of my lungs the pain i feel in my heart, my soul. I want but i dont know what i want. I cant feel. I cant breathe. I cant be. I feel like i need a guy to complete me even though i know that is wrong. I want that companionship, comfort, and protection. ive been looking for love in all the wrong places and now that ive found a potential one im rushing into things and pushing him away. I need to just chill out. I need to breathe. But i cant. I need to cry.. But i dont have who i want to be there to dry my tears and tell me im beautiful and that any guy would be more than lucky to have me. I have been told that so many times that im numb to it. I dont feel pretty. I dont feel lucky. i feel alone even in a crowd full of people. I find myself searching, looking, hoping, and waiting for him. Wanting him to look my way and hoping he will love me. I just want someone to love me inspite of my flaws. I want to be happy. I want to whole heartdly laugh. i want to be who i use to be. i even wrote an addition to a song that i can relate to "i cant wait for you to catch up with me. I cant live in the past and drown myself in memories. my addition: [So take me now as I am or leave me here for good I lost you once, i can loose you again if you wont love me like you should]" thats exactly how i feel. I just need to keep going with my head up.. but before i do that i need to cry my heart out and begin to re-build

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Finch // Letters To You
Saves the Day // Freakish
Yellowcard // October Nights
Thrice // Phoenix Ignition
Unwed Sailor // Blue Moon
Justincase // Without You

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